Black and White Wednesday {Sisters}

The girls seem to be getting along a little better these days.  By that I mean that they are not focusing on annoying the other one at all times.  I've noticed that they are going longer bits of time where they really seem to be enjoying playing with each other.  I treasure these moments for sure!  Still it was quite a shock to find Hanna doing Rylee's hair and helping to get her ready - and I didn't even ask her to!!

Heh... she makes this same face when I do her hair!

Hanna scores bonus points for the lip gloss!

Now that makes the Mommy's heart sing - my growing (way too fast) beauties!

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I Heart Faces | Shadow

I had a couple of favorite photos from this weekend that had shadows in them, so I decided to participate in I Heart Faces photo challenge this week. It was hard to pick one, but here is the photo I finally settled on:

To see more Shadow entries for this week, click here.

Sunday Snapshot {Princess in the Making}

We went to a local festival yesterday and Rylee fell in love with the Tutu dresses.  Big surprise right??  She tried one on and generated so much attention that the women gave us a deal that we just couldn't resist - well that along with the beaming little face looking up at me...

Even though it was over 80 degrees, she wore it all through the festival yesterday, even after her hair was plastered to her from sweating so much (oh how I wish I had taken my camera with me!). She tells me that sometimes it hurts to be beautiful...

Black and White Wednesday

I thought I would add a few more zoo trip pictures.  I really like how dramatic the animal shots are when they have been converted to black and white.

And since Hanna has agreed that I can post about her on my blog again, I decided to add one of her in a pose that we see all too often these days.  In fact, this is how all the kids at the bus stop look every morning - either texting, playing games on their iPod's or listening to music.  They even text each other, and yet they are all standing there in a group together (I seem to be the only one there that finds humor in this)!

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Black & White Wednesday - A Glimpse Into The Future

Sometimes when I look through my lens...

it feels like I am getting a glimpse into the future...

Join Black and White Wednesday at The Long Road To China

Adoption: The Missing Pieces

I knew when we adopted Rylee, I had missed out on a lot of things.  How she looked when she was born, seeing the first time she focused her big beautiful eyes on someone.  The first time she held her head up, the first time she rolled over, the first time she sat up or pulled herself up on the furniture.  You get the picture...

I knew that I missed those things and it makes me sad... but what I wasn't prepared for is how much it hurts my heart that I don't have these experiences to give to Rylee.  I can't tell her what time of day she was born, I'm not even exactly sure if the day we think she was born is really the right day.  I can't tell her how old she was when she took her first step, or about the adorable facial expressions she made as a baby.  I don't have these memories to give her and it makes my heart ache so deeply when she asks for them.

I wish I could tell her how often she kicked, or how long my labor was, or how I fell head over heels in love with her when I smooched her little baby cheeks.

Yes it hurts me that I didn't get to experience these moments with a daughter that I love so incredibly and so deeply.  But it hurts so much more, that I can't give these things to her.  I can't tell her much at all about the first 4.5 years of her life.  There are no baby pictures, no baby stories... so very little to help fill in the pieces of her early life and she wants to know.

Most of her questions come from our recent venture into our home movies.  First we watched all of the videos of her.  I knew that this might be difficult, but she really wanted to see them.  We watched her on video as she joined us in China, and her first days home.  We moved on to weeks 1 through 8.  Then we moved on to more of a monthly video and watched how fast she grew.  She was tiny when we got her and she was baby like in many ways, but she was not a baby.  I am so very thankful for all the "firsts" we were able to catch on video with her.

Then when we were all done, it was time to watch Hanna's baby videos.  I wanted to watch them after Rylee was in bed because I thought it might be hard for her.  But she really wanted to watch them and see Hanna as a baby.  I debated because I wasn't sure that at 7 years old, she really needs to confront this yet.  But on the other hand, we are a family and keeping Hanna's baby memories just between the three of us is excluding Rylee from that part of our family - also not sitting quite right with me.  Can I and should I shield her from her past?  I wasn't completely sure what the right thing to do was.

I settled for trying one video and snuggling close with both girls.  The first video started at my baby shower and boy was I pregnant - whewwww!  Rylee said "Wow!  Mom you gained some pounds there!"  She "Awwwww'ed" her way through the first video completely enthralled by the pregnancy, the labor and the newborn baby.  She decided that someday, she might want to have a baby in her "tummy" AND adopt some too. I was relieved because she seemed to be doing very well with it.  She thought Hanna was adorable and loved every minute of the tiny baby video.

And then the questions started:

"What time was I born Mommy?"

I'm not sure baby...

"Did it hurt when I was born?"

"Yes, I am sure it did." (I am confident that this is a truthful answer)

"Which one is my China Mom again?"

"We don't know who she is." She snuggles in tighter to me.

Each question feels like a knife, straight into my heart.  I want so badly to give her these answers.  I want so badly to have been there for her.  I want her to have these missing pieces.

I can't give them to her.

The next day, she tells me she misses her China Mom.  I hug her and tell her that I know she does.  I tell her that I bet her China Mom misses her too because I know that if she wasn't with me I would miss her so very  much.  She is quiet and thinking for a long time.

Then she tells me "I'm glad I am here Mommy, I love my family and our house and living here.  It is better here for me.  God found the best Mom for me and I am happy."

I hug her but can't really say anything, because there is a big lump in my throat.  I am fully aware that there will be more question.  Questions that I have no answers for.  I want to protect her, to soften things for her, to give her everything she needs.  I hope that she grows up always knowing that she is deeply loved, deeply wanted and treasured beyond all imagination.

Sunday Snapshot

This was a busy working weekend, but Rylee knows how to lure me away.  "Hey Mom, you want to come outside and take some pictures of me?"  She knows me well!  It was a fun and welcome break from the hectic weekend and here are some of our fun shots:

Head on over to Ni Hao Y'all to see more fun Sunday Snapshots.

Black and White Wednesday {Weekend In Review}

 

I am joining in this weeks Black and White Wednesday with a few of my favorite shots from the weekend.

Here Rylee is trying to convince me about just how boring it is to watch her sister cheer at the basketball game.  She is pouting because the battery on her DS went dead right at the start of the game!

This one just makes me want to kiss her neck!

Spring time and horses - they just warm my heart! 

One of my favorites!

Just had to add this one in, from only two weeks ago.  How quickly the weather changes here in the south!

At what age do we consider mustache removal?

And no we are not talking about me... Rylee has been obsessed with what she calls her "moose-stachio!"

Let me back up a little bit.

A couple of weeks ago Rylee asked us (while in a restaurant eating dinner), if she has a mustache?  I being the brave soul that I am, said "Ask your Dad." So she turned her questioning gaze on her father.

"DAD!  I don't have a moosestachio do I?"  We all look down at the table, and busy ourselves with the suddenly fascinating dinners that are sitting before us.

She stares us down.

Hanna caves first:  "Yes, Rylee you do have a moosetachio, but really it's okay because I have a uni-brow!"

Rylee looks at her Dad:  "DAD???"

He said "Don't look at me, your mother is the one that said you have a mustache!"

I consider dumping my dinner over his head...

I turn to her and said "I DID NOT say that you have a mustache, but if you really want to know you just need to look in the mirror yourself.  What I am saying is that you are incredibly beautiful and perfect."

She looks at me "I know that Mom, but do I have a moosestachio or not?"

I sigh... "Rylee, eventually everyone has some form of a mustache - some are just easier to see than others..."

Why, oh why are we even having this conversation???

She puts fingers on her upper lip, rubbing up and down her brow crinkles and she announces in an extremely loud voice "I DO HAVE A MOOSETACHIO!!!  WAAAAAAA"


People are looking... a lot of them...

I tell her we are done talking about this for now.  Thankfully, she lets it go.

But not for long...

Two days later we are standing in the bathroom, doing her hair.  She brings it up again.  "Mom, do I really have a moosetachio?"  I look at her for a minute trying to decide what I should do.  Finally I hand her a little mirror and say "you tell me".

She studies herself from every angle.

Than she glares at me "I DO have a moosestachio, and it is big, and dark, and you can see it really good!  WHY didn't you tell me this mother?  We have to do something about this right now!  Make it lighter Mom or I know, lets pull it out..."  She runs for the tweezers.

"No Rylee, we are not pulling it out! Listen to me... Everyone has this, your hair is just really dark, so it shows up a little bit more.  But it really is not very noticeable at all baby, and you are perfect just the way you are."

She narrows her eyes at me, with a stubborn look on her face that tells me in no uncertain terms - she's not buying it!

"Think about it Mom, think about it!  We need to do something about this!"  I distract her with other things, which works for a while. But not really...

She has now been studying the upper lips of all the girls at school.  I now know which ones have nothing there, which ones have very light hair and I also know that there is not another girl in THE ENTIRE school that has a moosetachio like Rylee.  I know this because I get a daily report from her.

This morning as she heads out the door, she brings it up again.  "We ARE doing something about this today Mother!"  I groan... she growls...

Suggestions?  Advise?

Rylee Visits The Dentist

You gotta know that Rylee visiting the Dentist, can't just be any old trip right?  I am sure that they clearly remember last time when she tried to talk through an entire filling, kicking and stomping her feet the whole time.

This time her legs were really still, no kicking at all...  Instead she was doing a bird flap type movement with her arms.  Several times she chased away the dentist with her flapping arms, as he quickly rolled away for safety.

Each time after the wild flapping escapade, she would give the dentist two thumbs up - practically landing her thumb up the poor guys nose!

WOW that nitrous oxide is really something...

I could barely contain my stifled laughter as I stood in the corner of the room watching this crazy scene!

Finally he turned his questioning gaze at me after he was treated to the third double thumbs up close encounter.  I could only shrug my shoulders, as I have no idea why she is doing this.  Plus if I even attempted to open my mouth, all that would come out would be the laughter that was fighting to spill over!


I mean just picture this...

Drill starts up... dentist is concentrating... arms start flapping... dentist frantically rolls out of the way... arms go down... dentist cautiously rolls back to his place... he leans back over to resume his work... double thumbs up almost shoved up his nose... dentist ducks to the side barely reaching the safety zone on time...

Poor guy - I really did feel sorry for him.

Finally he was able to finish up and I hope he had time to take a break before he had to move on to the next child!

On the way home I was talking to my husband on the phone telling him about it.  She says from the back of the car "I will tell you why I was doing that Mom!"

"I was using my arms to tell him to get his big head out of the way of the movie, when he did move I was giving him thumbs up so he would know that he was out of the way and I could watch the movie again - I don't know why he kept getting back in the way again - gosh with his BIG head!"

Okay then... maybe I should warn him next time...

You just gotta love pure 7 year old delight!

It's five minutes long, but how sweet Rylee was with her excitement about her Birthday gift!



Pictures and details to follow :)

Update 6/3/2010

When I picked Rylee up from day camp yesterday she hops in the car and I hear her repeating this over and over:

"Seven not six, seven not six, seven not six, seven not six..."

After several minutes of this I ask her what she is doing. She says "Well, I just don't feel like I am seven yet, so I am making myself know that I am seven not six!"

As of this morning, she still had not convinced herself!

"I knew I would..."

Tomorrow is Rylee's 7th birthday (crazy isn't it??), so tonight I made her very favorite meal (Ramon Noodles) for her for dinner.

Just as I was finishing up the noodles I heard her mumble something under her breath.

I said "What did you just say?"

Ry: "I just said something about you, but I can't say what."

Great must be another one of her spicy comments, I was thinking. So I just shrugged my shoulders and went on with what I was doing.

Ry: "Okay, I will tell you what it was. I said I knew that I would get a good Mom."

That stopped me in my tracks and I went over to stand in front of her. "What do you mean, you knew you would?"

Ry: "When I was in China I knew that I would get a good Mom. In China I did not have a good mom."

Not quite sure what to say I just asked her why she says that...

She gets a big grin on her face and says "Mom you know! In China she made me wear pants that showed everybody my booty! That is not good! Peoples don't want to have everyone seeing their booty! Also I had boy hair!"

And then she threw her arms around me and kissed me about 100 times!

My Little Fashionista!

Remember how much fun we had with Fashion Friday? I think Rylee is taking it to a whole new level. Do you think that maybe she is somehow sneaking in episodes of America's Next Top Model or does this just come naturally? (sorry for the odd sizes, I didn't have time to fix them first)





And for just one more glimpse into my life:

We sat down as a family to watch American Idol and after a while Rylee gets up and comes to stand in front of me. She takes her little hands and very gently cups my chin with them. She looks deep into my eyes with a very serious expression on her face. In a deep sort of husky voice she says "Mama... you are deeeeeelicious!"

I really have no idea where she gets this stuff - and she was just a little offended when I fell over laughing!

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

Happy Thanksgiving!

We hope you all have enjoyed a wonderful Thanksgiving! We are thankful for each and every one of you!

2 Years Ago Today - I touched my baby for the first time...

One of the first pictures we saw of Rylee was this one...

And now she has grown into this:

I am overwhelmed with emotions today... two years with my baby girl. It is just so hard to wrap my mind around the fact that two years ago today we were nervously waiting in our hotel room for Rylee to arrive. When she did she was scared, reserved and so small! I was so worried about bonding with her and if she would love us... love me... and want me for her mom.

Two years later it hurts to breathe when I think of what life would be like without her. She has so firmly planted herself in my heart that it is almost hard to believe that I did not give birth to her myself. When I look at her, my eyes well up with emotion and I just want to scoop her up and hug her and tell her how happy I am that China let me be her Mama. And I do...

And she laughs at me and says "Oh Mama, I just love you so so so much! You are my best mom ever and China did a good job making us a family, didn't they Mama?"

They did and I am forever grateful!